More than a year...

So, more than a year and I still haven't found the time to take care of myself. Sitting here in my unpacked craft room, it seems the epitome of what my life is doing right now. All for everyone else and none for me. I can't wait until I can step back and take time for me. But then, I am selfish. I don't want to miss a single moment of this time with my boys, as I have so little time to spend with each of them and there is so very much consuming my attention. I want to remember that I was present during these days in their lives. So I will hold on, and it might take some time to get this craft room as beautiful and organized as I want it. But when I do, I know it will signal the end of an era. An era where I was drenched in the laughter of my little ones. Where I am drowning in laundry and requests and needs. But, for this little while I think I can step back. I am still here. I have not disappeared. It is me, just a little shunted backwards and to the side. I know that I will be grateful that I stepped back and let my boys take all that they needed. I know that it will go quickly. I am watching the time fade rapidly with Vinny. I can still feel his sweet little self in my arms for the very first time. I can remember what it felt like to hold him all night because I couldn't believe the miracle that had happened. And that I got to repeat it two more times, and soon to hold my daughter. That is something worth noticing and paying attention too. These children are all my miracles for so many reasons. Each one has a story and overcame obstacles just to be with us. And for these blessings, I know I can show my gratitude by putting a little bit of me aside. It won't be for long.